The L Word : Behind the Scenes

The L Word Bette Porter Tina Kennard

The Ant Farm Bette Porter L Word Tina Kennard


“Bette, you are so sick if you think I’m going to hit a woman. Back off and go have another drink with your rich friend, Peggy Peabody.” Henry snarls a bit, and then puts his happy-guy mask back in place.

“Tell you what. Two things in fact. First, don’t insult, Peggy. She’s wealthy, not nouveau riche. And two, don’t think of me as a woman right now, Henry, as if that makes me something other than a real threat to you at this moment.” I end in a feral sounding growl.

Peggy gives him a pitiful up and down assessment that comes back wanting. “Young man, where are you from anyway?”

“Oh! God! Are we going to bring up breeding now?” Tina cries at Peggy.

“Well dear, someone should. I mean really.” Peggy clucks at Tina and shakes her head woefully at Henry, her genetically inferior selection as a father.

God, I fucking love this woman despite what I may have ever said, or thought, or ever written in nasty emails in the past: She ripped the skin off both of them with that one!

“No, fucking seriously, Henry, I am going to fucking hit you. First with this.” I smack a wad of fax paper into his face. “You’re not the only fucking idiot who paid seven dollars a goddamn page for faxes from LA to Canada.”

Henry smirks at me and unfolds the pages to read. Tina leans in closer to him. Both such fucking idiots.

“Delightful!” Peggy peals, “Tina this is where as they say, “The Worm Turns.” Am I right, Bette?” Peggy puts on her reading glasses, “You have a spare copy, don’t you?”

“I do.” I hand her a half dozen folded pages. “Read the top of the second page where it says that Henry is actually still married to not his second, or even his third, but his fourth fucking wife.”

“Oh my, Tina can you really be that . . . desperate?” Peggy looks over her glasses, truly concerned.

Henry’s face falls.

“Now, I am going to hit you.” I cock my arm back, but Tina calls out.

“Wait! Let me!” And she slaps Henry a good stinging smack across his face.

“Bette, now it’s your turn to be my Second.” Peggy tugs at my arm that our work here is finished. “I’ve got to find Helena. You’ll want to see this, too.”

“It’ll be my pleasure.” I flame an unmistakably look back at Tina: You’re done, we’re done. I get it. It’s really, finally over between us. “You’ll get a text from me in an hour. I’m taking my daughter on another sleigh ride.”


The next story in the series, “Sleeping Rough” is an amusing rollicking tale where Bette kidnaps Angelica and ends up at a Wal Mart searching for baby supplies.

If you enjoyed this story –

Many more Tina Kennard L Word stories to come. Stay Tuned.

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Author: Blackbird Writes

Fiction writer and filmmaker

6 thoughts on “The Ant Farm Bette Porter L Word Tina Kennard

  1. @Lesfan brinny says
    April 24, 2014 at 2:11 am

    This is pure comedy gold! You had me laughing at Bette whistling to the ants crawling out of Dana’s ashes, to Bette and Tina slapping Henry. I am surprised the other girls didn’t form a conga line to slap Henry too since they hate him as much. Can’t wait to read your next chapter.


  2. Bette0Porter says
    April 23, 2014 at 11:09 am

    “Now, I am going to hit you.” I raise my arm back but Tina calls out.
    “Wait! Let me!” as she slaps Henry a good stinging smack across his face.

    God help me, you cracked me up!! LMAO.
    I loved this, I love how you describe Bette’s anger and turmoil, it’s so real!

    The scene at Bette’s was beautiful. Funny and deep. It was good to see the gang together in a moment like that, and our couple forgetting about their own issues, just to focus on their friend Alice (and Dana). Wonderfully written, as always.

    kenji says
    April 23, 2014 at 12:17 pm

    I love these stories. Thanks for posting so frequently.

    didi1956 says
    April 23, 2014 at 1:32 pm

    Well done Bette !!! Again-I love your writing and I`m glad you came to this site.

    lipitora says
    April 23, 2014 at 2:13 pm

    oh WOW! it is more than pleased!
    I think you’re outdone, my cheeky request 😉
    I realized it was not the best idea to drink coffee while reading the scene 🙂
    I’m looking forward to the sequel!

    mamadoc91 says
    April 23, 2014 at 2:37 pm

    Hey Blackbird – Wonderful writing! I really like these snippets of TiBette. Keep us grateful for your gift. Thank you!

    tomboydee says
    April 23, 2014 at 7:41 pm

    hey blackbird… love the humor in this story.. love the word “hasbian” and Bette bitter feelings to Henry. LOl. especially the slapping paragraph story. i was deeply touch about dana’s ashes as what the girls has to do with it. i hate when bette feels so bitter to tina , who was/is the love of her life. Bette is hurt with so much emotional- pain in her heart to see Tina being with Henry. i dont like Henry. wonderfully written!!!! thank you for sharing.. keep up the good work … always!!!

    kingg says
    April 23, 2014 at 11:41 pm

    BB..thx 4 the post, a real page turner actually. I really liked “memories are rarely inescapable, their knowing impossible to doubt for long, and they are so many here in this kitchen, every where in this house, and all over my skin.”…… You have a way of capturing the gals emotions! Their emotions have been duly noted! They really socked it 2 Henry…yay…keep writing your posts BB…..oh and yes the pics accompanying the posts are great, an extra treat……..Anticipation….


  3. tibettenation1

    Submitted on 2014/07/23 at 9:11 am

    So sad that it came to this…but Fucking Classic


  4. azmama says
    Oct 2, 2015 at 3:01 am

    You’ve got Bette’s seething towards Tina and Henry going on. Just another great chapter from Ms. BB.


  5. cvu says
    Oct 1, 2014 at 3:37 am

    This is should had been in the show!…Oh my god…the lines are perfect!…


  6. September 28, 2015

    After you get your bearings again the story following is very very funny. “Sleeping Rough”, and in its opening is a wonderful scene of Bette in WalMart on the hunt for baby supplies for their getaway.

    Thinking about new story for Touch Tones, Season 7 inspired story line I read this great story, and did a polish. I was pleased with the way I took the story from one setting to end up a thousand miles away in another country, Canada, where I wrote a hilarious scene for Bette and Peggy Peabody after Shane’s botched wedding. I won’t spoil the great fun awaiting you as they double team Tina and Henry, but of all the things I’ve dreamed up for those two – Tina and Bette – I wish the Henry takedown I could’ve been on screen if the show writer’s had thought of it.


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