The L Word : Behind the Scenes

The L Word Bette Porter Tina Kennard

The Ant Farm Bette Porter L Word Tina Kennard


“I don’t know how you all do it! Women are the most fickle creatures. Must take hours out of every day to just step around in the minefields much less avoid them all completely.”

“I don’t know how to do it. I’m as amputated as Brooke ever was – missing digits and other things.”

“People act very, very strange about money, Bette. You’ve been around enough to have seen that time after time.”

“Honestly, Peggy. I just didn’t think we were that way.” I look out the window as our jet races high above a long stream of clouds. I close my eyes for a moment and contemplate as we fly north across the border to the most unlikely of things to attend, Shane’s wedding. I sip my martini. We are all – so very fucked up – I truly don’t know what to say.
Shane Bette's House garden backgrd

Shane’s wedding – Bette

Let me try to list all the ways this weekend has to be one of the single worst experiences – arguably of mine and everyone else’s – life. In my mind there is a rivalry between who should die first, Gabriel or Henry? Henry or Gabriel, Shane’s cum for brains low down motherfucking father. Or Henry, who has just uttered the words, “No, Bette. I’m adopting Angelica, not you.”

Or Tina who has said, “I can’t believe you would do this, Bette, but now that you have, I just want you to know that Henry and I are thinking of starting a family.”

“Are there earthquakes in Vancouver, Peggy?” I ask as I stare down Henry and tighten my leather gloves finger by finger onto my hands.

“I felt a tremor, well, a quake really, Bette.” Peggy smiles as my volcano rises.

“Henry, do you want to do this outside? If not, I’m going to break your fucking nose right here in this motherfucking Lobby, you sonuvabitch. You are not taking my family!”

“Finally! Something interesting,” Peggy chimes in, “This weekend’s been completely bereft of decent entertainment.”

“Wait! What?” Tina steps toward me alarmed.

“Put the baby down or put her somewhere safe if you’re going to stand this close. Better yet, get the fuck out of the way.” I seethe at Tina.

“You escalated this Bette! You had Joyce start filings against me before you even came up here!”

“I like the way you say, “escalated” Tina, as if acknowledging that in your mind you were already rolling forward to take her away,” I shout, ” and give her to him.” I stab my finger at her, then turn toward Henry, and flex my fingers in my gloves.

Author: Blackbird Writes

Fiction writer and filmmaker

6 thoughts on “The Ant Farm Bette Porter L Word Tina Kennard

  1. @Lesfan brinny says
    April 24, 2014 at 2:11 am

    This is pure comedy gold! You had me laughing at Bette whistling to the ants crawling out of Dana’s ashes, to Bette and Tina slapping Henry. I am surprised the other girls didn’t form a conga line to slap Henry too since they hate him as much. Can’t wait to read your next chapter.


  2. Bette0Porter says
    April 23, 2014 at 11:09 am

    “Now, I am going to hit you.” I raise my arm back but Tina calls out.
    “Wait! Let me!” as she slaps Henry a good stinging smack across his face.

    God help me, you cracked me up!! LMAO.
    I loved this, I love how you describe Bette’s anger and turmoil, it’s so real!

    The scene at Bette’s was beautiful. Funny and deep. It was good to see the gang together in a moment like that, and our couple forgetting about their own issues, just to focus on their friend Alice (and Dana). Wonderfully written, as always.

    kenji says
    April 23, 2014 at 12:17 pm

    I love these stories. Thanks for posting so frequently.

    didi1956 says
    April 23, 2014 at 1:32 pm

    Well done Bette !!! Again-I love your writing and I`m glad you came to this site.

    lipitora says
    April 23, 2014 at 2:13 pm

    oh WOW! it is more than pleased!
    I think you’re outdone, my cheeky request 😉
    I realized it was not the best idea to drink coffee while reading the scene 🙂
    I’m looking forward to the sequel!

    mamadoc91 says
    April 23, 2014 at 2:37 pm

    Hey Blackbird – Wonderful writing! I really like these snippets of TiBette. Keep us grateful for your gift. Thank you!

    tomboydee says
    April 23, 2014 at 7:41 pm

    hey blackbird… love the humor in this story.. love the word “hasbian” and Bette bitter feelings to Henry. LOl. especially the slapping paragraph story. i was deeply touch about dana’s ashes as what the girls has to do with it. i hate when bette feels so bitter to tina , who was/is the love of her life. Bette is hurt with so much emotional- pain in her heart to see Tina being with Henry. i dont like Henry. wonderfully written!!!! thank you for sharing.. keep up the good work … always!!!

    kingg says
    April 23, 2014 at 11:41 pm

    BB..thx 4 the post, a real page turner actually. I really liked “memories are rarely inescapable, their knowing impossible to doubt for long, and they are so many here in this kitchen, every where in this house, and all over my skin.”…… You have a way of capturing the gals emotions! Their emotions have been duly noted! They really socked it 2 Henry…yay…keep writing your posts BB…..oh and yes the pics accompanying the posts are great, an extra treat……..Anticipation….


  3. tibettenation1

    Submitted on 2014/07/23 at 9:11 am

    So sad that it came to this…but Fucking Classic


  4. azmama says
    Oct 2, 2015 at 3:01 am

    You’ve got Bette’s seething towards Tina and Henry going on. Just another great chapter from Ms. BB.


  5. cvu says
    Oct 1, 2014 at 3:37 am

    This is should had been in the show!…Oh my god…the lines are perfect!…


  6. September 28, 2015

    After you get your bearings again the story following is very very funny. “Sleeping Rough”, and in its opening is a wonderful scene of Bette in WalMart on the hunt for baby supplies for their getaway.

    Thinking about new story for Touch Tones, Season 7 inspired story line I read this great story, and did a polish. I was pleased with the way I took the story from one setting to end up a thousand miles away in another country, Canada, where I wrote a hilarious scene for Bette and Peggy Peabody after Shane’s botched wedding. I won’t spoil the great fun awaiting you as they double team Tina and Henry, but of all the things I’ve dreamed up for those two – Tina and Bette – I wish the Henry takedown I could’ve been on screen if the show writer’s had thought of it.


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