“I don’t know how you all do it! Women are the most fickle creatures. Must take hours out of every day to just step around in the minefields much less avoid them all completely.”
“I don’t know how to do it. I’m as amputated as Brooke ever was – missing digits and other things.”
“People act very, very strange about money, Bette. You’ve been around enough to have seen that time after time.”
“Honestly, Peggy. I just didn’t think we were that way.” I look out the window as our jet races high above a long stream of clouds. I close my eyes for a moment and contemplate as we fly north across the border to the most unlikely of things to attend, Shane’s wedding. I sip my martini. We are all – so very fucked up – I truly don’t know what to say.
Shane’s wedding – Bette
Let me try to list all the ways this weekend has to be one of the single worst experiences – arguably of mine and everyone else’s – life. In my mind there is a rivalry between who should die first, Gabriel or Henry? Henry or Gabriel, Shane’s cum for brains low down motherfucking father. Or Henry, who has just uttered the words, “No, Bette. I’m adopting Angelica, not you.”
Or Tina who has said, “I can’t believe you would do this, Bette, but now that you have, I just want you to know that Henry and I are thinking of starting a family.”
“Are there earthquakes in Vancouver, Peggy?” I ask as I stare down Henry and tighten my leather gloves finger by finger onto my hands.
“I felt a tremor, well, a quake really, Bette.” Peggy smiles as my volcano rises.
“Henry, do you want to do this outside? If not, I’m going to break your fucking nose right here in this motherfucking Lobby, you sonuvabitch. You are not taking my family!”
“Finally! Something interesting,” Peggy chimes in, “This weekend’s been completely bereft of decent entertainment.”
“Wait! What?” Tina steps toward me alarmed.
“Put the baby down or put her somewhere safe if you’re going to stand this close. Better yet, get the fuck out of the way.” I seethe at Tina.
“You escalated this Bette! You had Joyce start filings against me before you even came up here!”
“I like the way you say, “escalated” Tina, as if acknowledging that in your mind you were already rolling forward to take her away,” I shout, ” and give her to him.” I stab my finger at her, then turn toward Henry, and flex my fingers in my gloves.