“Holy shit! Will you look at this T!” I had hopped off the bed so I was eye level with a very focused and now mobile baby heading fast for me.
I was so proud of her that morning. Just doing a normal baby thing she made me immensely happy. Now, Tina tells me Angelica is starting to walk. Glad I missed that milestone.
Not at all!
And you know what?! I really didn’t need Henry describing my daughter’s first walking moments to me either. I really didn’t, Tina! I really, really didn’t. God, you can be such an insensitive fucking bitch.
I bring my coffee back to bed and down two aspirin with my cappuccino. This will get my eyes open wider. I lean back with the cup and saucer on my chest. So, this is the way it is for now, or for a while, or for me until I what? Find a new lover?
Jesus! What a nightmare. I don’t want anyone else over here. I don’t want to eventually make an extra key, and have to negotiate holidays with my daughter. Or miss, God forbid, her first words! I feel my anger burning away my hangover as it starts to rise.
Am I waiting on Tina? Or am I supposed to be getting over Tina? I dare not flip a coin or I’ll be here all day. She’s left me twice. The more I think about it the more furious I become with her for leaving me alone, and horny, and pissed off with the fucking ant farm she bought me and Angelica as our only company.
An ant farm! Not alone anymore. I can watch the drones in perpetual service to their queen. Like them I know every darkened twisting passageway in the hive toward – Her.
I actually have time to do shit like that these days. Time that I’ll have only a little while longer because I’m fairly certain this afternoon, Phyllis Kroll, is going to offer me the salary I requested, and soon I’ll be her newest dean.
I like the sound of it, and with the house empty, the draw to my power suits is back. In truth, I’ve missed a staff to order around, and get things jumping.
So, life just goes on. A rockslide buries me emotionally and breaks pieces of my will to live. But eventually I end up at the Great Lesbian Triage Tent to get patched up and sent back into the minefields.