The L Word : Behind the Scenes

The L Word Bette Porter Tina Kennard

Tomb Raider – Bette Porter Tina Kennard


“Do not struggle with me. Just fucking follow for once in your goddamn life.” I wrap my arms around her and kiss her mouth. Her eyes fly wide open, but so are the mortuary men’s. I release Helena. A loud smack emits, as I do.

Holding my hand up to flag the men I say, “Just practicing for our wedding in Boston day after tomorrow. Give us a minute?”

Helena waves at them, “Brilliant. Can’t get enough.” She turns back and this time kisses me.

I hold up my hand, as I start back to Helena. “One second… mmmffmm.” My voice muffled by her lips. Then, I hear Tina.

“What the fuck?” Her hand on her hip, she stares at us like we are out of our fucking minds.

“Come here.” We motion to her. The undertakers warily watch us become a threesome.

“Tina, we need back up. Text Alice this message.”

She stares at me not cooperating. I frown at her stubbornness.  During a time when she should just fucking do what I ask her – like the old days, she doesn’t.

“Let me start over.” I take a deep breath. Helena drops her earring in my hand. Tina stares at the silver triangle.

“I apologize.” I begin to hurriedly explain, “We are stealing Dana’s ashes. We need a screwdriver. We have a Starbucks cup. I just need to get back to the bronze egg Alice is hiding before the mortuary guys discover it’s missing.” I recite, I hope without any annoying tone she might pick up, and further balk at.

“Look, I’ll take the earring to Alice and open the urn. I’m good at picking locks. Used to get myself trapped in my great aunt’s menagerie in Herefordshire.”

Helena takes her earring back and motions me toward the altar. “Come up here, Darling, let’s say a prayer for Dana, before we catch our flight.”

Tina rolls her eyes as Helena leads us to the altar.

“If we just stand in front like this they won’t see the urn’s missing.” I whisper to Tina as we look at a glossy eight by ten color portrait of Dana.

Helena quickly disappears behind the door where Alice is hiding.

Author: Blackbird Writes

Fiction writer and filmmaker

10 thoughts on “Tomb Raider – Bette Porter Tina Kennard

  1. Pingback: Tomb Raider – Bette Porter Tina Kennard | LWord_BehindtheScenes

  2. LesFan goyabeans4me

    Submitted on 2014/05/31 at 11:43 pm

    The more I read this, the better it gets…..”…Starbucks cup….lol!!”


  3. Via LesFan SassyGran

    Submitted on 2014/04/26 at 6:48 pm

    Really liked this. It has all the emotions and was funny too. Would have loved to have seen the Helena/Bette kiss on screen with JB, LuH and RS!


  4. Via LesFan MiamiMaven

    Submitted on 2014/04/22 at 6:43 pm

    Absolutely LOVED it.Top to bottom.Can u imagine the URN STEALING being played out on the small screen?So much better &funnier than 17REASONS


  5. Via LesFan tomboydee

    Submitted on 2014/04/20 at 2:27 am

    the story is hilarious and sad. the funny part was helena and bette “kiss” lol. .yeah they hated each other. alice is a great character. i can’t believe about dana “died” in the show. you have done a marvelous job writing. as I always said, keep up the good work. i enjoyed your story.. now i am going to read the other story “Milkyway”


  6. Via LesFan wkm

    Submitted on 2014/04/20 at 2:19 am

    Pretty entertaining. I would love to have seen that in the series. Too funny. Thanks


  7. Via LesFan bumsue

    Submitted on 2014/04/19 at 9:32 pm

    Well my friend, you worked that one out quite well. So proud of you and your writings similar to spider webs, so precise yet riveting in beauty and flow. I laughed my butt off picturing in my mind that scene in the church playing out with the ashes and the kiss. It was an ending fit for the beauty of Dana and who she had become.
    Ahhh, a turn toward home….
    I like how you introduced the letter and conversation with Tina as a point in her life that I think Bette deserves an explanation for. The history between them warrants it. Hendick is still too fresh.
    I’m beaming for the journey. Your voice and style are incredibly right on with this story writing.
    Thank you for your gifts to us!


  8. Via LesFan brinny

    Submitted on 2014/04/19 at 6:40 am

    Bette kissing Helena and Tina walking on them. Hilarious! I pay good money to see that! I am so glad that Tina is going to talk to Bette about what happened to Lucy and her. Thanks for making Henry not there during the talk.


  9. Via LesFan cvu

    Submitted on 2014/04/19 at 2:01 am

    Damn! this is hilarious!….So funny that i want to see that it played out on my tv screen!…
    Helena and Bette kiss? lmao..and she want to kiss Bette more? Alice is panicking?!
    “We’re coming Dana. Just hang in there.” Alice looks up at me desperately. “I can’t get the fucking thing open!” She cries…what about when Tina comes in and saw the”kiss”… 😛 precious!
    azmama was’ve got another home run here.


  10. Via LesFan azmama

    Submitted on 2014/04/19 at 1:30 am

    Another home run! So funny,witty but macabre and sad. Although, I wouldn’t like it if someone stole my loved one’s ashes but the scene was still freakin’ funny.


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