It’s time to go meet Henry downstairs. I kiss Dana’s forehead, I look sadly at Alice, and I’m gone.
Bette’s House Late Afternoon – Bette
For the loving hell of it, I decide while I’m prostrate inside my front door kissing my fucking floor – I’m so glad to be home -I do twenty push ups. I did find stillness in myself at times while I was away. I’m glad that I went – especially now that I’ve finished my push ups – and taking in my art collection, my books, my things, my home from the vantage point of the floor.
It is my goddamn home, and it pisses me off that my family is not here with me. But I’m truly sick of arguing about it, and my lesson away? Is that all anyone can do, is to just ‘Be’ with the pain. There’s freedom, but it’s mostly fleeting. There is lack of desire, but it’s temporary. And there are voices that are your friends, and rat voices that chew away at your mind. I will continue to be mindful and I also want a drink.
Tina should be here soon, and I must give her the letter I opened from Virginia by mistake. What I’m undecided about is, if we should talk about it, or even if I should try at this point. She was so young when this all happened. What does she even know or want to understand about the man her testimony helped put away when she was fifteen?
Barbara had come through with Allsweld’s dossier, the police report, and the summary of his trial, as well. What I pieced together is when Tina’s father was running for re-election one year, as a family along with one of her older cousins, Lucy, Tina had attended a Virginia state fair. I imagine the teenagers going their separate ways toward the rides and the carnival and her mother and politician father continuing to shake hands for votes while their daughter had drawn herself, closer and closer, to very real danger, a man named, Allsweld.
His rap sheet had all the telltale signs that he was a sexual predator. When I had seen that, my mind had flooded red with murder, but as I’d read on it had appeared that Tina had not been raped by him, but she was there when he had brutalized her cousin, seventeen year old, Lucy. No doubt in my mind, the one whose attention had grabbed Allsweld, or he would have raped, Lucy’s much younger cousin, Tina, instead. But I couldn’t give Lucy a call to discover more even, if I’d wanted to. She had died days after the attack, never regaining consciousness, and so it had been left to Tina to ultimately put Allsweld away.