The L Word : Behind the Scenes

The L Word Bette Porter Tina Kennard

The Fugue of White Noise – Tina Kennard – The L Word

9 Comments

“Shaolin. Things are complicated. Helena’s got it bad for a straight but gay looking documentary director.”

“Sounds promising though, or no?”

“Well since she just promised her and her boy friend filmmaker partner,” I emphasize, “a $100,000 I think it is a bit unethical, don’t you?”

“Helena’s great, but she truly missed out on a few of the building blocks of relationships, didn’t she?” Alice hands me the lotion to do Dana’s other arm. I smell Wales again and it makes me sadder, as I touch arms wasting away.

“I mean did you ever feel bought when she focused in on you?” Alice asked.

“In the end yes, she was trying,” but by then, I’d decided it was over for other reasons, too.” But bought by Bette? I wonder about.

As I had told Joyce, over and over again to her astonishment, until very recently, and the split up over Candace began it, I had never thought much about money. I made it. Bette had made more. If I had wanted to buy something really expensive, of course, we talked about it. Bought though? How crass. No, we didn’t have a money thing, or a sharing about anything material.

I didn’t give her very much trouble about it.  I was perfectly capable of amusing myself, but I did find her self absorption annoying at times.  Really rather unbelievable, if I tell the truth. But narcissism and money, now that I have a good job again, are feeling less and less like the issues that broke us apart. What is left is my unwillingness with Bette, to try again.

Maybe I am a fucking coward? I know Bette thinks I am. But for now, I only want to feel safe, no roller coasters, no drama, just the white noise of life, and a break from her emotions and mine.

It seems so ridiculous now.  In three hours I know I will hold her, and we will cry together about Dana. We’ll talk about our child together, and around me as we worry about our friends and discuss our family, will be the walls and objects and doors and bedrooms of the place I still partially feel is home.

Author: Blackbird Writes

Fiction writer and filmmaker

9 thoughts on “The Fugue of White Noise – Tina Kennard – The L Word

  1. Via LesFan brinny

    Submitted on 2014/04/18 at 9:19 pm

    Thanks Blackbird for giving us a happy memory when Bette and Tina were in love in S3. I really hope Tina won’t get angry with Bette by opening her letter by mistake. Anything is possible with crazy S3 Tina. Please let her talk to Bette about the attempted rape and let Bette comfort her.

    Like

  2. Via LesFan cvu

    Submitted on 2014/04/18 at 2:19 am

    Omg…Tina almost got raped?! …………and the saddest news ever….”Bette, Dana died two hours ago”…. :(((

    Like

  3. Via LesFan bumsue

    Submitted on 2014/04/17 at 10:09 pm

    You are an excellent marksman when it comes to matters of the heart. You’ve done another incredible chapter into the depth of this intense relationship between our two alpha women. Seems life is a roller coaster of intensities and stillness. Tina’s life has had many intensities but yet she has found those moments of stillness to breathe and center herself. She had found a moment to just be in pause to see her life in a different way.
    Bette’s life is one intensity followed by another until the stillness starts to gain momentum and increases in length and loudness. It’s only taken the loss of her son, an affair and her breakup with her soul mate for her to figure out that there needs to be more moments of stillness, to breathe, to observe and to understand another way to be. Surely her narcissism, anger and arrogance have been shifted enough to see that those reactions to life don’t fit her anymore. It’s created too much loss for her heart and eventually her soul…
    And now another loss….. Dana. So unexpected for those not paying attention. Dana added so much quiet brilliance as she made her way into this family of friends. She mattered in ways that they are only beginning to understand. She will be missed deeply by so many…
    Thank you Blackbird for amazing me again, (Selfishly) Now where’s the next chapter, lol?!

    Like

  4. Via LesFan Bette0Porter
    https://twitter.com/bette0porter

    Submitted on 2014/04/17 at 9:44 pm | In reply to Bette0Porter.

    Um, no I’ve never heard of it. But yes, I guess it really proves our point and how we felt during some scenes. Season 3 has been a real mess, most of the time. Too bad.
    Yes! I can see where you are going with this. Tina is taking a trip down memory lane, in order to be able to understand what’s going on with her and finally let go of the pain, sense of self-consciousness and fears she went through since their first break up. I think that’s a path she had to choose, so she could find her way back to Bette and learn how to fix – together – their issues.
    Final result: they will be stronger than ever.

    Like

  5. Via LesFan azmama

    Submitted on 2014/04/17 at 7:06 pm

    I have to agree w/BetteOPorter. Lost plot lines, gaps in the storyline, explanations missing. Use your imagination, girls. Scenes between Tina and Bette were too short and often “an enigma wrapped in a riddle”. Many WTF moments. It’s too bad b/c the show could have gone on for 2+ years. But IC wanted to do a spinoff w/Alice’s character in prison. So DUMB!!!! A blind squirrel could see that would never make it. And nothing of consequence has taken its place.

    Like

  6. Via LesFan azmama

    Submitted on 2014/04/17 at 5:43 pm

    Yes, Ms. BB, I did love the Wales flashback. It’s as if Tina is taking stock of their past history. Sort of mentally weighing the pros and cons of breaking up vs. staying together or trying to resurrect their marriage. Sometimes, one gets weary. Bette is an exciting person to be with, a force of nature. She leaves one breathless but such high maintenance. Yikes! A manic relationship. I didn’t think Bette was too controlling but sometimes thoughtless. For all her bravado, she didn’t stick up for Tina when Melvin had dinner w/them. Still a little girl when it came time to deal w/dear, old Daddy dearest. Maybe you can repair Humpty Dumpty????

    Like

  7. Via LesFan lipitora

    Submitted on 2014/04/17 at 5:40 pm

    This was the third season for the part of what I hated 🙂
    as Tina told her, Dana’s death: was cruel and insensitive!
    I always thought that Tina has not forgiven, fraud, and I think probably not forgiven in herself, having fallen in love with Bette.
    Tina blamed her because she lost her family, lost her acceptance of society, and exposed herself to the prejudices. .and that postpartum depression can be helped this (I think that’s the reason for Henry and not forgiveness toward Bette)
    but it was a really beautiful moment, the flashback!
    Wow! What emerged from the file that was sent to the senator?
    I can’t wait to the next chapter.

    Like

  8. Via LesFan Bette0Porter
    https://twitter.com/bette0porter

    Submitted on 2014/04/17 at 5:27 pm

    Ouch! The ending broke my heart.
    See? This is how the show should have been. I mean, as much as I hated it, I would probably love it more if they added some scenes (like yours). The plots were good… but there weren’t so many ‘key moments’ to explain the choices the characters made. Especially Tina’s… that was something that almost led me to throw my tv out of the window. No explanations, nothing. They wasted lots of good opportunities.

    Thanks for this chapter! I love your ‘love scenes’, as you already know. They’re amazing and full of emotions.

    Like

  9. Via LesFan azmama

    Submitted on 2014/04/17 at 1:24 pm

    This is getting so sad. The dissolution of a marriage, Dana’s death. Just life. No one is immune from the vagaries of life. Would they have split even if Bette hadn’t strayed? Too much effort to keep it going? But Tina, seriously, Henry? I guess she wanted to be totally in control.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s